Ending day 4

I've had 1385 today. More than I'd like by about 300, but I keep reminding myself that it's still only half of my 'maintenance' calorie goal. And I can eat (and have eaten) more than my maintenance and not gained weight. This is so hard. I hate my self for every extra calorie, and I desperately want to be thin and pretty and look good, but I keep eating like this. And because of health issues recently running is difficult. For me running until I'm going to throw up/pass out isnt even a mile. It's about half/ three quarters of a mile. So exercising to cut down calories is..... Difficult. I do walk, and I'll do a 14 minute mile, walking 2 or 3 miles at a time, but there's so much more I NEED to do to be thin. The scale will show how badly I've done. And I'm working for a show choir event Saturday, for 5:45 am to about 2 am. And I won't be eating much, I'm never hungry when I'm working. So that should help counteract the horrible things I've eaten this week. Hopefully. Don't forget to check out my tumblr memodelperfect.tumblr.com. Follow me :) I love questions, comments, advice, stories, and thinspo so talk to me; I promise I don't bite. That's not my thing ;)