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Day 10 and Realizations

Just weighed myself, and it looks as though my binge over the weekend didn’t hurt me as much as I thought. 117. Only 2 pounds from my goal weight, and 7 pounds from my UGW. But I think after having lost 15 pounds earlier this year (last year? It was October) that 7 pounds won’t be enough to make me look thin. Thinner, yes, but still rather fat. A 00 is my goal for summer, so I’ll most likely have to be 102-105. Another 15 lbs. this’ll be fun……

Sorry

Sorry for being gone. I had a slight, ehm, health issue. Being in the hospital was not fun. Nor was not being able to move, I had so little energy. Not even exaggerating. I worked a school event Saturday from 5:45am to 10:30pm. I had a gatorade, two small cookies, a salad that was huge, pizza, breadsticks with cheese, and 4 Maui Wowi's. A huge tikki and 3 small ones. So I have no idea how many calories I eat, but it's not ridiculously bad since I literally didn't sit down until 8pm and from then until I left I probably sat for an hour. Tops. On Sunday I was really tired but I was ok. I ate a Boca burger with cheese and 1/2 a serving of mayo and chili sauce and tomatoes, fries with the rest of a serving of mayo and chili sauce, a honey crisp apple (new fav food, but I'll get to that later) and a serving of triscuits and Philly cream cheese. And a single slice of a small  quesadilla. Didn't track bc I felt like shit and since I didn't have a label I was too lazy to add everything. Woke up on Monday not even able to bear weight. Last time I ate was 6pm Sunday, didn't eat on Monday until 4pm. I had rally's fish bites and loaded fries minus the bacon and later an Annie's chunks noodle bowl. Today I've had an Amy's country cheddar bowl. About 450 calories. God I'm such a fatass. The dr said get rest, no fasting, no restricting calories, no over exercising. Sleep and drink lots of water. Sigh, yeah. I know. I do that, and it's why I'm fat. I weighed 118 on Monday and my dad had carried me upstairs before we went to the hospital. When they asked me what I weighed and I answered '118' my dad goes 'she felt like a hell of a lot more than that'. The nurses and my mon laughed. One of the nurses goes 'yeah'.  I'm going to lose weight. I won't do that again. Sorry for the rambling. Just had to get it all out. Stay strong sweeties.

Thinspo

Ending day 4

I've had 1385 today. More than I'd like by about 300, but I keep reminding myself that it's still only half of my 'maintenance' calorie goal. And I can eat (and have eaten) more than my maintenance and not gained weight. This is so hard. I hate my self for every extra calorie, and I desperately want to be thin and pretty and look good, but I keep eating like this. And because of health issues recently running is difficult. For me running until I'm going to throw up/pass out isnt even a mile. It's about half/ three quarters of a mile. So exercising to cut down calories is..... Difficult. I do walk, and I'll do a 14 minute mile, walking 2 or 3 miles at a time, but there's so much more I NEED to do to be thin. The scale will show how badly I've done. And I'm working for a show choir event Saturday, for 5:45 am to about 2 am. And I won't be eating much, I'm never hungry when I'm working. So that should help counteract the horrible things I've eaten this week. Hopefully. Don't forget to check out my tumblr memodelperfect.tumblr.com. Follow me :) I love questions, comments, advice, stories, and thinspo so talk to me; I promise I don't bite. That's not my thing ;)

Thinspo

Ending day 4

Final total: 1290. Good day today. Lunch was good, wasn't really tempted to eat all the nasty greasy lunch options at school (though there really isn't many, as I'm vegetarian and we have very few meat free options). Over all, sick or not, I think today was ok. Tired, so exercising then bed.

Day 4

Feel sick. Nausea, fever, headache, body aches. Can't tell if I'm getting sick or if this is maybe the affect of eating about half of what I normally eat and working out more. I feel like I'm fooling myself when I say I've lost weight because my stomach and thighs look huge. There's no way I've lost 3 pounds. No way. Sigh, I'm actually going to be able to stick to three digits worth of calories today, because I'm really not hungry. I've had 340 cal. Baby belle and triscuits, to settle my stomach. It didn't work, so back to gum and 0 cal Sobe Lifewater. Gotta love 0 cal and sugar free. I may just turn into a baby belle though, considering I eat them so much. Back to Math. Any of you guys get 'sick' or weird symptoms when reducing? Let me know